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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29412843">If You Say Hide, We'll Hide</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/peach_faced_lovebird/pseuds/peach_faced_lovebird'>peach_faced_lovebird</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining Sirius Black, cystic fibrosis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:28:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,648</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29412843</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/peach_faced_lovebird/pseuds/peach_faced_lovebird</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When the coronavirus stay-at-home order begins, college students and best friends Sirius and Remus have to quarantine together, and with Remus's cystic fibrosis, the pressure for them to stay in is higher than usual. As they shelter in place, they grow closer, and as tensions and feelings run high, their friendship undergoes unexpected changes.<br/>Title comes from the David Bowie song "Let's Dance."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>61</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Your mom and I were thinking. Give us a call when you can.</em>
</p><p>The text showed up on Remus’s phone as James was getting to the most exciting part of one of his hot tub stories. He was just pulling up the hem of his Blue Devils t-shirt to show off a feathered scar running up from his waistband, but he paused when Remus frowned at his phone.</p><p>“All good, Moony?” he asked.</p><p>“I think so,” Remus replied. “My parents just told me to call them when I can. Sorry.” He left their circle, and he felt the absence of heat on his hips where he had been wedged between Sirius and Marlene on the futon.</p><p>He went to the sink outside the bathroom of the suite and plugged one ear as he dialed his parents. His dad answered almost immediately, but he was on speaker--Remus could hear his mom’s steady voice in the background.</p><p>“Is everything okay?” he asked.</p><p>“Mostly,” his father began. “How closely have you been following the coronavirus?”</p><p>Remus felt a tickle in his throat almost on cue. “Pretty close, why?”</p><p>He heard his mother sigh in the background, and he prepared himself for disappointment. “I know you were planning on going up to the Potters’ for spring break, sweetheart,” she began. “But with everything that’s happening, we’re thinking it might be best if you just come home.”</p><p>Remus couldn’t say he was surprised. With every news report on the disease, he could barely stop himself from retreating into his single room. He could hardly blame his parents for thinking the same way he had.</p><p>“I was kind of wondering about that, too,” he admitted. “Our professors are pretty worried, too--thinking of class going online, and all that.”</p><p>At this, his mother’s voice hitched a little higher. “Really? Yeah, Remus, I’m sorry, sweetheart, but we want you here.”</p><p>“Okay.” Remus looked out into the common space, where James had quieted down. Peter noticed this, and caught his eye, hesitantly raising a thumbs-up with a question in his eyes. Remus gave him a thumbs-up in return.</p><p>“I get it. I can come home.”</p><p>There was a beat of silence. Then his dad piped up, saying, “Well, kiddo, I guess we’ll let you get back to it. Love you.”</p><p>“Love you too, Dad.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” his mother added before they hung up.</p><p>Remus stood at the sink, drumming his fingers on the basin. There was a near-invisible crack in the porcelain surrounding the drain, and he kept his eyes on it as he thought. The appearance of Kingsley Shacklebolt shook him out of his thoughts. He was the roommate of Sirius, and though he was around the suite often, he hardly ever really hung out with them. Upon seeing Remus, however, he frowned.</p><p>“Alright, Lupin?”</p><p>“Yeah.” Remus relinquished the sink and returned to the others.</p><p>“What’s up, Moony?” Sirius asked, his voice muffled. He was in the midst of putting up his long hair, and his lips were taut around a pair of bobby pins. “Everything okay?”</p><p>Remus leaned against the frame of James’s lofted dorm bed. “It’s fine. James, my parents don’t want me going home with you for break.”</p><p>James, who had sat upon the floor facing the others after finishing his story, looked up at him. “Why not?”</p><p>“They’re clearly worried about the debauchery their only son will doubtlessly commit on the shores of Grosse Pointe,” Sirius said, his hair finally pinned up. He draped a hand across his forehead dramatically. “They met James and think whatever’s wrong with him is contagious.”</p><p>“Nah, they gave up hope that James wasn’t catching last year.” Remus laughed. “But close: they’re worried about COVID.”</p><p>“So are mine,” Marlene piped up. “My mom’s an epidemiologist, and she says this is some scary shit.”</p><p>“I bet they’re especially scared with your--” Peter began, but Sirius kicked him before he could finish.</p><p>“What?” Marlene asked. </p><p>Remus paused and finally said, “The lycanthropy. You’re right, Pete.”</p><p>Sirius, James, and Remus shared a quick look. It wasn’t like Remus would have <em>minded</em> Marlene knowing, it just had never felt like the right time.</p><p>“That’s shit, Moony,” James said mournfully. “We’ll have to commit some debauchery before we all leave.”</p><p>Marlene laughed. “Of course. I think that’s my cue to leave.” She shrugged on her coat and hitched her backpack over one shoulder. “Potter, should I give Lily your regards?”</p><p>James’s ears pinkened. “Shut up.”</p><p>Marlene shot Remus a pair of finger guns as she passed out the door. “If I don’t see you before you go back home, be safe, Moony. Don’t kill any of the townspeople.” Then she waved to the rest of the boys. Remus laughed.</p><p>When she was gone, Remus went over to take her place on the futon. “Debauchery, huh?” he asked. “I have a few ideas.”</p><p>***</p><p>In the end, the best they could come up with on such short notice was wiring the speakers in the dining hall to play “Oops, I Did It Again” by Britney Spears nonstop. For the entire four hours of the dinner block. (Which, Sirius said, was hardly a prank, as their fellow residents should consider themselves lucky.) By the end, they had caught Fabian Prewett and Frank Longbottom, both workers in the dining hall, singing along behind the dessert station. Meanwhile, their group chat had begun lighting up.</p><p><em>I’m with Sirius. I’ve probably listened to this song for four hours straight just because. #FreeBritney,</em> Lily Evans texted.</p><p><em>Exactly. LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE,</em> James answered, too quickly, and Sirius rolled his eyes at him.</p><p>James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus laughed to themselves as they walked back to their dorms. Sirius sidled up to Remus and linked arms with him.</p><p>“So what will you do in suburbia without us?” he asked.</p><p>“Doubtlessly languish,” Remus replied. “While away my days, waiting to see you all again.”</p><p>Sirius stuck out a pouting lip. “Just what I expected.” He then took a deep breath. “What if . . . you weren’t alone? Without us, I mean. Or, some of us, I mean.”</p><p>“What are you asking, Padfoot?” Remus thought he knew where this was going, but there was no way he would assume.</p><p>“I could come home with you,” Sirius said, quickly. “I’ve never really gotten to know Lyall and Hope Lupin, you know.”</p><p>Remus felt as if something near his sternum was lighting up. “Are you inviting yourself over for spring break?”</p><p>“I mean,” Sirius hesitated. “Yeah?”</p><p>A thousand colliding feelings crept into Remus’s throat. Hope, that his spring break wouldn’t be so lonely. Fear, both of Sirius’s reaction to his home and to what his daily life looked like.</p><p>He had been mostly open with the other boys about what his life looked like with his cystic fibrosis. He didn’t hide the multitude of medications he took throughout the day, or the vibrating vest that he wore in his downtime. But it was one thing to be open with people you lived apart from; it was entirely another to have that openness come from living with someone.</p><p>He wasn’t embarrassed about his CF. But there was a small part of him that wondered if Sirius’s being closer to it would change how he treated him. But he knew biting the bullet now would make it easier for Remus to spend future spring breaks with his friends.</p><p>Remus smiled. “I guess I’ll have to ask.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This is just gonna be a short, for-fun fic! I hope you enjoy!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Remus brings Sirius home.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus’s parents were overjoyed at Sirius’s proposal, so it was quite simple to shift plans--James and Peter to the Potter cabin in the north, Remus and Sirius to the suburbs. Sirius didn’t bother to tell his parents the change. He found the prospect of calling them grossly unappealing, especially now that he had declared his major. </p><p>As far as the house of Black was concerned, Sirius majoring in anthropology was a renouncing of all the values his family had ever stood for. Every Black before him had been accepted into the School of Engineering and graduated with a 4.0 GPA. (“And not for nothing,” his father always said. “I don’t think I slept for my entire senior year.”) But engineering to Sirius was like a volcano to Pompeii--disastrous, violent, possibly resulting in the death of thousands in a cataclysm that would be studied for eons. </p><p>However, trying to tell that to Orion and Walburga Black was perhaps more dangerous than engineering. Even though the confrontation had occurred over the phone, Walburga had yelled so loudly and so viciously that Sirius had felt he was in the room with her, cringing at her every scowl and shriek. It took days before he felt like himself again. </p><p>So the bar for the Lupin household was very low. </p><p>He’d surprised himself when he invited himself over to Remus’s. He had spent a spring break at the Potters’ cabin before with James and Peter, and he’d had a great time. There was a hot tub, despite the chill March air, and the boys would run out into the snow in their swimsuits before <em> plunk </em>ing down in the bubbling water. Euphemia would conveniently leave the vodka bottles full and the boys to their devices. Spring break at the cabin would have undoubtedly been fun. </p><p>But hearing Remus would have to stay with his own parents, the only child with a well-meaningly neurotic mother and father, made Sirius imagine how that would be. He thought of Remus reading book after book with his vibrating vest on, coughing and thinking and <em> alone. </em>He certainly didn’t think cystic fibrosis made a person any less equipped for solitude, and no one knew that better than Remus. </p><p>And yet. He couldn’t help but think about the way his brother wouldn’t talk to him anymore since the anthropology showdown. He didn’t doubt it was simply his mother, telling Regulus not to answer his calls or texts, but that cold shoulder still gave off the same chill. </p><p>So perhaps he invited himself over to the Lupins’ because he knew what it was to be alone. </p><p>He strong-armed the zipper on his suitcase and pulled it to the end of his bed. Hope and Lyall would be coming the next day, and he had spent the week fretting about which suitcase to use. <em> If I use the small one, I’ll run out of stuff, but if I use the big one, what if they think I’m high maintenance? Or privileged or something? </em> He finally threw his head back and used the big suitcase. If being a Black had taught him anything, it was that confidence and headstrong-ness was a virtue. And besides, he <em> was </em>high maintenance. </p><p>James and Peter came into Sirius’s room from the adjoining bedroom, and Peter sat down on the bed. James pivoted the desk chair so he could straddle it, watching Sirius carefully through his glasses. </p><p>“We’re gonna miss you at the cabin, ya know,” he said. </p><p>“I’ll miss you too, buddy.” Sirius pushed the suitcase back on the bed so he could sit on the square of comforter it had been occupying. “It’s not like you’ll never see me again, though. It’s just a week.” </p><p>“But how will Pete and I survive without our Padfoot and Moony for a week?” James bemoaned. “We can’t go through all of my mom’s cooking just the two of us, you know.” </p><p>“You haven’t asked how <em> I’m </em>feeling,” Sirius said. “An entire week without hearing about Evans? This is a break in more ways than one.” </p><p>“For that,” James began, pointing a finger at him, “I’ll text you twice as much about her as I had planned. Do you know what color her eyes are? You’re about to <em> learn.”  </em></p><p>“It’s green, bud,” Sirius laughed. “As it has been the last forty times you mentioned it.” </p><p>Peter laughed beside him on the bed. “I can’t believe you’re leaving me alone with <em> that.”  </em></p><p>***</p><p>“Just the one suitcase, kiddo?” Lyall Lupin asked Sirius as he loaded it into the hatchback of the car. </p><p>“Yes, sir,” Remus heard Sirius reply from his place in the backseat. </p><p>“Sir? Just call me Lyall.” In the rearview mirror, he saw his father clap a hand on Sirius’s shoulder. Remus just barely caught Sirius’s small cringe.</p><p>As Sirius climbed into the seat beside him in the back, Remus tried to gauge his expression. It had all been well and good when Remus didn’t give any thought to Sirius coming home with him, but now that it was happening, and his high-priced suitcase was in the back of the Lupin car, Remus somehow felt more nervous than he had before. </p><p>He still hadn’t gotten up the courage to ask Sirius why he <em> really </em>wanted to join Lupin in suburbia. If he thought about it too long, there was a part of him that was sure that it was just because Sirius pitied him--Remus with the illness, Remus with the financial aid, Remus without the legacy or the library named after him. (There was an Arcturus Black III Engineering Library, and a Potter wing in one of the student dorms. Sirius avoided the engineering library so intensely that Remus almost wanted to go inside, if only to see the books and technology that Sirius so anxiously denounced.) </p><p>But when those thoughts came, he did his best to put them to a stop. Sirius was not one to act out of pity, or out of some obligation. If he wanted to come home with Remus, it was simply because he wanted to. </p><p>That being said, the Lupin house didn’t have a hot tub, or a lakeside view. </p><p>But, upon pulling up the driveway, Remus couldn’t deny the joy of coming home. He was sure it was nothing like the Black house that Sirius grew up in, but the maple tree in the front yard was vast and inviting, even under a fine dusting of snow. A wooden sign, made by Remus’s grandfather, proclaimed that here resided <em> The Lupins.  </em></p><p>Remus carefully eyed Sirius as they approached the house. His joy could not overcome the way his heart beat faster as he watched Sirius appraise the house’s butter yellow facade. After unloading their baggage, Remus led him into the house and down the hallway to the spare room. </p><p>“I’ll let you put down your stuff. Then want a tour?” </p><p>“Sure, Moony.” </p><p>Remus was careful to keep his eyes on Sirius as he showed him around the house. He didn’t know what he expected; Sirius made no sign indicating that Remus had anything to worry about. </p><p>“And then this is . . . my room,” Remus said for the final stop on the tour. His bedroom had remained mostly untouched since he left--a little more bare as he brought some of his things to the dorms, but not turned into a home gym quite yet. The walls were the same forest green, and one wall was still covered by a wide, full bookshelf. His mom had plugged in an air freshener, so it smelled fruitier than normal, but mostly intact.</p><p>“Cool,” Sirius said as he looked around. He pulled out the desk’s swivel chair and sat upon it, spinning around to take it all in. Remus sat on the bed. </p><p>It was strange. Sirius, all larger than life, with his messy hair in a scrunchie on top of his head, with his loud laugh and his perfect smile, was here in Remus’s bedroom. He had rings on seven of his fingers, and chipped black nail polish. He was the most interesting person Remus had ever known, and here, in the forest-green bedroom of his childhood, Sirius almost felt too good to be true. Sirius being here felt like when he finally replaced the burnt-out lightbulbs, and he couldn’t believe that it could really be that bright. </p><p>Sirius smiled at him. “The bookshelf totally tracks, you nerd.” </p><p>“I really don’t know what you expected.” Remus smiled back.</p><p>“But I like it.” Sirius looked away when he said this, swiveling in the chair to look around. </p><p>Remus tried to put on an uncaring air. “Really?” </p><p>Sirius turned back to face him, and his gray eyes were soft. “Really.”</p><p>They just looked at each other for a second, and then Remus finally kicked a wheel of the swivel chair. "I'm hungry."</p><p>Sirius blinked. "Me too." </p><p>"Wanna go see if my mom actually has snacks in the house even though I'm gone?" </p><p>"Totally." </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I have some headcanons for my version of these characters (modern-day college student Remus and Sirius), especially related to gender identities of the two characters. But I don't know how to include them without really shoehorning them in, or whether you'd actually like to read them. Let me know what you think!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Implied emotional abuse later in the chapter--through the eyes of other characters, and very implied. If you want to skip it, it starts at the bolded word "Sirius" and ends at the bolded word "phone." If I didn't flag enough of the section, or my flagging system doesn't work for you, please let me know.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They got the email on the Tuesday of spring break. Remus and Sirius were downtown, where Remus was showing Sirius the record store, when they both felt their phones buzz.</p><p>Sirius opened the email first and frowned. “Fuck, Moony, oh no.” Remus’s first thought, not having grabbed his phone yet, was that something had happened on the group chat. “Is something wrong with James and Peter?” he asked, pulling his phone from his pocket.</p><p>
  <em><strong> Urgent: University COVID-19 Response.</strong> </em>
</p><p>Remus skimmed the email. <em>New alarm over coronavirus . . . extra week of spring break . . .</em></p><p>“They’re not letting us come <em>back</em>?” Sirius asked incredulously. “What about our stuff?”</p><p>Remus put one hand against a record crate to steady himself and took a deep breath. The room was beginning to spin a little, around the edges. The ground felt shaky beneath his feet.</p><p>“Moony?” Sirius asked, taking a step closer to him. “Are you alright?”</p><p>Remus took another deep breath. “Padfoot, what about <em>us</em>?”</p><p>Another question. <em>What about me?</em> He hadn’t realized how much he had buried the anxiety about the coronavirus beneath other things--being home, showing Sirius his house, seeing his parents again. But there was a respiratory infection spreading. Spreading across the country. Remus’s lungs had it bad enough, and now there was. A respiratory infection. That was shutting everything down. Shutting everything down. Including Remus.</p><p>He felt a hand on his arm. “Remus.” Sirius was by his side. “Are you alright?”</p><p>Half in his head, Remus just pulled Sirius closer and wrapped his arms around him.</p><p>Sirius responded in kind, hugging him back. He was a few inches shorter than Remus, a fact that they both laughed about constantly. But Remus just leaned down and rested his chin on Sirius’s shoulder, at the perfect height. He felt his hands knot in Sirius’s jacket.</p><p>Sirius’s voice was muffled. “Remus. It’ll be alright.” Remus just squeezed his eyes shut.</p><p>They stepped apart, Sirius dusting himself off and smiling brightly. “Alright, bud?”</p><p>Remus nodded once. “Yeah.”</p><p>***</p><p>Sirius had thought he was feeling fine about everything happening. He had felt glad he wasn’t Remus; he couldn’t imagine the fear he was feeling.</p><p>But then he remembered he would be expected to go <em>home</em>. To the Black house, with Walburga Black’s shrieking voice and Orion’s constant distance and Regulus’s stone silences. Where he would stay in his room all the time, a lonely prison far preferred to the hell outside of it.</p><p>He wondered if the Lupins would let him stay. At once he sent the thought away; he mentally prepared a <em>thank you</em> to Lyall and Hope for the pleasant few days he had spent with them.</p><p>Remus drummed his fingers on the steering wheel beside Sirius as they drove home from the record store. “I don’t know how your parents are going to be able to get you from New York,” he said. “How bad are things there?”</p><p>“The news says things are getting pretty bad,” Sirius frowned. “My mom hasn’t been in touch much.”</p><p>Remus stopped at a stop sign and turned to look at Sirius. His green eyes were adamant. “If you need someplace to stay, it’s okay if you stay with us. My mom won’t care, I know she won’t.”</p><p>Sirius shrugged, but was secretly touched. He didn’t want to say that he doubted his mother would let such a thing happen; she’d threatened to drag him home during the Major Declaration Argument, and an epidemic was exactly the sort of thing she would exploit to get him there. “Thanks.”</p><p>“I’m serious.” Remus still hadn’t taken his foot off the brake.</p><p>“I believe you. But we’re going to get rear-ended.”</p><p>Remus laughed, and drove on.</p><p>When they got home, Hope was waiting in the kitchen, drumming her fingertips on the counter.</p><p>“I got the email from the school,” she said tersely. “It’s probably for the best.” Then she caught Sirius’s eye. “Sirius, are you going to go--”</p><p>Before she could continue, his phone rang. His heartbeat picked up double time when he saw the caller: <em>Mother</em>.</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Lupin, but it’s my mom.” He caught the glance that Remus threw at him, his eyes full of worry, but turned and left the room. He sauntered back to the spare room before answering the call.</p><p>***</p><p>When Sirius had gone, Remus’s mother turned to him.</p><p>“You’ve already told him he can stay here?” she asserted.</p><p>“Yes.” Remus nodded. “He doesn’t want to go home.”</p><p>“I don’t want him to go home, either.”</p><p>Remus leaned against the counter and took a deep breath. “I don’t want him to, either.”</p><p>Hope turned to face him. “If he’s allowed to stay . . . he’s going to see what we see with your CF.” He had been taller than his mother for years, but now, her caring gaze made him feel as held as it did when he was small. “Are you going to be okay with that?”</p><p>There was no question. Whatever kept Sirius safe, Remus could live with. He knew if the roles were reversed, Sirius would feel the same way. (Of course, Sirius did not seem to possess an ounce of self-consciousness in his entire body. Sirius with the loud voice, with the messy hair.) “Yes.”</p><p>From upstairs, they could hear Sirius’s voice, quiet and unlike Sirius. Remus walked up the stairs slowly, pausing in the doorway to the spare room.</p><p><strong>Sirius</strong> was still on the phone. “Yeah,” he said in response to something Remus couldn’t hear. Every line of his body and every note of his voice was one of defeat. “I know.”</p><p>He caught Remus’s eye and nodded once—Remus took this as an indication to step into the room. As silently and slowly as he dared, he walked to the bed and sat beside Sirius. He barely let his thigh rest against Sirius’s, and tried not to listen to the voice on the other end of the line.</p><p>However, as the conversation flowed on, Walburga’s yelling voice began to subside and retreat. “The Lupins are really scared, Mother,” Sirius said quietly. “They said they’d let me stay.”</p><p>Another lapse into silence as Walburga began to speak again. Remus couldn’t decide between the desire to know what was going on and his attempt to not listen in. All he had to go on was Sirius’s beleaguered face and short, quiet responses.</p><p>Right when Remus thought all hope was lost, Sirius got off the <strong>phone</strong>.</p><p>Remus didn’t want to press.</p><p>“She’s letting me stay.” Sirius’s voice was still quiet.</p><p>Relief broke over Remus like a wave. “Okay.”</p><p>Sirius looked at him, gray eyes bright, running a shaking hand through his hair. “She’s letting me stay with you. I don’t have to leave.” A smile began to spread across his face.</p><p>Remus didn’t know what the future held—whether this would be weeks or months, good or bad. All he was sure of was the feel of Sirius’s knee against his, and the soft smile he was beginning to show. But for the moment, that was enough for Remus. For the moment, he just felt hope.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The shutdown begins. Nothing much changes for our boys, but we hear about some side characters it affects . . .</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Here was the house in which Sirius now lived. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a butter yellow two-story, one of the houses with chipped paint and a wraparound porch that tended to border the downtowns of suburbs. The bottom floor had creaky hardwood; the stairs leading to the upper floor were steep. The bathroom was small, and the taps in the sink were made of white porcelain. Everything smelled like lavender from the diffuser that Hope ran in the mornings. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he walked up the stairs, he turned to the left. The spare bedroom was the first on the right, and it was small, painted a soft yellow, like the color lamplight made on a wall. It had a full-size bed covered with a thick quilt that Remus told him had come from his grandmother, who wouldn’t stop talking about the Amish store selling it for a month after she gave it to them. There was a dresser, which he had finally unpacked his suitcase into. On the dresser was the record player that Remus brought up from the basement when they learned Sirius could stay. He also had Lyall Lupin’s crate of records--Bowie, Led Zeppelin, Queen. He’d already scattered his hair products, makeup, and jewelry across the dresser next to the record player.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Next door was Remus’s room, which, when they weren’t in their respective online classes, was where he spent most of his time. Or Remus would be in his, and they would listen to records on the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Here was the house in which Sirius now lived. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was quiet. They could hear Hope downstairs, talking on the phone, but her voice was always kind. They played records softly, because there was nothing to cover up or drown out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So even when the stay-in-place order went into effect about a week after online classes started, Sirius didn’t mind. Not that the stay-in-place order changed much for them; Remus’s CF put the house on high alert. Lyall worked from home. All they really did was take walks around the neighborhood. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And of course, Remus read and read and read. And read and read. He was currently in the middle of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Crime and Punishment </span>
  </em>
  <span>by Fyodor Dostoevsky, which seemed so long and so boring that Sirius half suspected he was only reading it for clout. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was currently sitting on Sirius’s bed, his vibrating CF vest running as he turned the pages of the book. They were about halfway through David Bowie’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>Young Americans </span>
  </em>
  <span>when Remus stopped the machine and began to cough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius waited for him to stop, and waited for him to speak. “Padfoot, this book is . . .” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius put up a hand. “I’m gonna stop you there, buddy. You know I’m illiterate.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus laughed. He took off the vest, setting it on the floor beside its apparatus. “Still. I think he just committed murder because he wishes he was Napoleon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t we all.” Sirius rolled onto his back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus crawled up the bed to lay down beside him on his side. “Heard anything from your mom?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not a word.” Sirius said. “It’s been nice.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And Regulus?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius felt himself wince. He thought of his brother, a Great Lake away, the only child in the Black manor. He’d gotten a text or two, which, Sirius admitted, was significantly better than before. “Some. A little.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s nice, right?” Remus asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius stiffened. “It’s whatever. Don’t worry about it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too.” Sirius did his best to shut down the conversation and closed his eyes. The record played on as the two of them lay in silence. It wasn’t that Sirius didn’t like his brother texting him. It was just thinking about Regulus, unfortunately torn between his parents and Sirius . . . Regulus probably didn’t even think much about him at all, was the worst part. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius shook off thoughts of his family. The sun drifted through the window and settled orange and red on his eyelids. He felt wonderfully warm, and he was close enough to Remus that he could feel a little of the heat coming off of him. It was nice . . .</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Remus woke up, there was someone’s shoulder pressed warmly against his. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opened his eyes slowly. He was in the spare bedroom; it was dark, with the bedside lamp providing the only illumination. He let his eyes drift carefully to see whose shoulder was touching him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Sirius. He was sleeping, snoring softly. It looked as if Remus had fallen asleep on his side to tip into the middle, and the point where his collarbone faded into his shoulder was beginning to ache with the position. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Sirius looked so peaceful, Remus scarcely dared to move. His long eyelashes moved with a dream, and his hair was messy around his face. Even in sleep, he moved slightly, shifting and twitching minutely. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Unfortunately, Remus could feel a cough coming in his throat. He turned over hastily to try not to cough in Sirius’s face, but as he turned, the mattress springs creaked, and as he began to cough, he heard a sharp intake of breath behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he turned back, Sirius was blinking in the half-light, stretching with a groan. “Alright, bud?” he asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Remus replied. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What time’zit,” Sirius said, looking around for the clock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Remus could answer, they heard his mother’s voice downstairs. Remus could identify her Talking-On-The-Phone Voice, but there was something more. Worry? Fear? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hadn’t thought of that, Molly,” she said quietly. “Is there anything Lyall and I can do to help?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s Molly?” Sirius asked in an undertone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’s a family friend. Used to babysit me,” Remus said. “She and her husband run a restaurant . . . which is probably not loving the shutdown. Shit.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God, that sucks.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They heard his mother get off the phone, and he and Sirius crept down the stairs, each trying to finger-comb their hair after their nap. His mother was standing in the kitchen over a boiling pot of pasta, biting her lip. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who was that?” Remus asked casually. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was Molly,” she replied. “She’s worried about the restaurant. She and Arthur don’t want to cut their staff, but they’re probably going to have to, and then they need someone to take care of Billy. It’s just such a mess.” She turned back to the pot. “Could you boys set the table?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After dinner, his parents played a game of cards at the kitchen table, and he and Sirius played on the Wii. They had just finished a MarioKart set (in which he had defeated Sirius, all three games) when he got a text from the group chat. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How are y’all doing? Is everyone safe? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lily asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus typed out a quick message. </span>
  <em>
    <span>We’re all just staying home. My parents’ jobs are fine for working from home so it’s chill. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>After a moment, his phone lit up again, this time from Sirius. </span>
  <em>
    <span>i am safe, other than being decimated in mariokart. </span>
  </em>
  <span>This was accompanied by a picture of Remus, sitting on the couch next to a Wii remote. </span>
  <em>
    <span>this is the face of a luigi main who is consistently kicking my ass!! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus looked up and laughed. He hadn’t even seen Sirius take the photo. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s not Remus’s fault you’re a bisexual who can’t drive, </span>
  </em>
  <span>James shot back. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I am also safe! My parents and I are trying to help out. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That’s cool, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lily responded. </span>
  <em>
    <span>My work shut down, so I am boredddddd out of my mind. Better bored than dead, though. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A lot of places are shutting down, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Peter commented. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Except for takeout. My mom’s a health inspector and she’s already stressing about how this will affect restaurants. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know right? Our family friends run a restaurant and they’re really worried too. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>At this response, Remus’s phone lit up with a direct text from Lily. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t you live kind of near me? </span>
  </em>
  <span>she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Think so. Why? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Thought I might know the restaurant, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lily responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>True. You know the Burrow? </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>YES!!!!! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus’s attention was snatched away from his phone as Sirius said, “You’re texting Lily? James wishes that were him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t know it isn’t,” Remus said, continuing to type. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius snorted. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah! It’s run by family friends. They’re worried about childcare and stuff. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How old’s the kid? Could I have their number? I babysit.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Sure. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Remus entered the contact information and then set his phone aside. Then he turned to Sirius. “Wanna play another set?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Sirius grumbled, but he was already picking up the remote. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Listen, maybe I'm late to the party, but I never realized that Arthur and Molly Weasley were like, 10 years older than the Marauders. When I discovered this I had to put them in my story as fully functioning adults. I am so excited.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Remus had thought that online classes in the dorms were bad, but online classes in his childhood bedroom were nearly unbearable. He was finally in the last week of classes, mostly just essays and being awkwardly introduced to his professors’ pets over video call. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius was currently helping him study for his biology final. Remus was sitting in his desk chair, spinning slowly, and Sirius was reading notes off of a sheet, laying on his back on Remus’s bed. “Different versions of the same gene are called . . . ?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alleles,” Remus replied. “You seriously don’t have anything better to do?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Sirius said, and Remus caught his mistake, “I’m always </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sirius . . .”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But no, not really.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you done with classes?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tomorrow, yeah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve got this final in two days, but then I’m done, too.” Remus got up off the chair and sat on the bed beside Sirius’s feet. “I wish we could do something. For the end of the school year.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hmmmm . . .” Sirius mused. “What about a government-sanctioned daily walk?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Other than that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell you what.” Sirius sat up, looking Remus in the eye. “After we get through finals, let’s go on a road trip. Just like a day thing. You, me, some David Bowie, the road.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus smiled. “Okay.” He then slumped over beside Sirius on the bed. “You know what I’m thinking about?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maisie’s.” Remus imagined the ice cream vendor at their university, which claimed it was from an in-state creamery. He was a little skeptical, as he’d never seen one before, and he, like the ice cream, was also in-state. No matter its origin, the ice cream was </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span>--rich, creamy. Even the vanilla, arguably the most boring ice cream flavor, was better than even the best at any other ice cream shop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re always thinking about Maisie’s,” Sirius accused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius laughed and leaned into him. “I guess not.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Two days and too many biology terms later, Remus was done with his school year. It was the first true summer night now, with no classes for the next few months, the prospect of sleeping in as late as he wanted beckoning to him. He was exhausted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But try as he might, it was 12:17 in the morning, and he couldn’t sleep. The light of the full moon poured onto his bed, making the whole room bright. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So he snuck over to the window and tried to quietly open it. When he succeeded, he took out the window screen and crept out onto the roof. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had grown up in this house his whole life, and he had discovered at the age of eleven that he could get on the roof without waking up his parents. It was only the shingles covering the kitchen and dining room, and only overlooked the backyard, but it was still nice to go out and look at the moon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He sat pretzel-style and leaned against the siding. It was somewhat damp with dew, but he had layered a thick crew neck from the college over his t-shirt, and he barely felt it. He heard the chirping of frogs and crickets, but other than that, all was silent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was summer. He had no obligations, nowhere to go, and his best friend Sirius Black all to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now that there really was nothing to do--no school, no job, no James or Peter--the worries at the beginning of spring break returned. He had no doubt that Sirius cared about him, of course, but he still wondered: why was Sirius even here? Of all the people he could have spent spring break, and then weeks of quarantine, with any one of them. But he was here with Remus, without complaint. It was a conundrum. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus heard a sound behind him and spun around to see Sirius, like an angel of convenience, climbing out the bedroom window. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Moony, it’s midnight,” he said confusedly. “What’s going on?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus shrugged. “Nothing, really. I just like being out here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius laughed quietly. “Should have known that our Moony would be a night owl at home, too.” He tiptoed across the roof to take a seat beside Remus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus remembered the first time the four of them had spent the night together, on the floor in James and Peter’s dorm room. Remus had woken up in the middle of the night, like he always did, and stood at the window, looking at the moon. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Sirius had padded up behind him with quiet feet and stood next to him. The two of them had watched the sky for a few hours in silence, until Remus yawned a colossal yawn and the sky began to turn violet at its edges. The two of them had gone back to bed, and besides calling Remus “Moony” for the first time the next morning, neither of them had mentioned it again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(The nickname “Padfoot” came a little later, when Sirius crept silently across the room to play a prank on Peter the next time they spent the night at James and Peter’s room. Remus had thought of it as he watched Sirius’s soundlessness.) </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(For someone with such a loud laugh and such a noticeable smile, Sirius’s footsteps were always surprisingly quiet.) </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus smiled. “How do you think it all started?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them sat in silence for a moment, until Sirius said, “Don’t you worry about, I don’t know, falling and getting stabbed to death by your mother’s bushes?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re hostas. Not so bad a landing.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hostas surrounded by landscaping stones. Not sure I want to know what your idea of a ‘bad’ landing is.” Sirius’s voice, though joking, was quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They lapsed into silence again. “Are you looking forward to the summer?” Remus asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, this summer could still be pretty normal, right?” Sirius said. “As long as we ‘stay home, stay safe’ and whatever.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus took a deep breath. “But even if it’s not?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius shrugged. “Even if it’s not, it’ll still be a good summer. I’ve had worse.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus finally let the question come out. Even as he said it, he felt clumsy, embarrassed, like a teenager putting themselves down just to hear everyone say how wrong they were. “Why did you want to come home with me, anyway?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius turned to face him. In the moonlight, Remus couldn’t see the pale color of his eyes, but he could still sense the incredulity in them. Of course this was a bad idea. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Moony, what? Why wouldn’t I want to?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus just helplessly shrugged, and felt all the cool night air had been sucked away from the two of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re . . . my friend! You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>Moony, </span>
  </em>
  <span>why wouldn’t I want to come home with you?” Sirius continued. “You’re fucking cool, bud. Don’t know what else to tell you.” He suddenly grabbed Remus’s hand, holding it between both of his. Remus could feel the cool bands of rings that Sirius was wearing, but his hands were surprisingly warm. “We’re gonna have a great summer, you weirdo.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right.” Remus could feel himself blushing a little, and prayed it was too dark out to tell. “Sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You better be sorry,” Sirius said, releasing Remus’s hand. “Dumbass.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They sat in silence for another moment, the blush creeping from Remus’s cheeks. He studied his pajama-clad legs, not sure what to say. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Sirius yawned, and the two of them turned toward Remus’s open bedroom window. “I’m going to bed. Wake me up if you suddenly think I want to leave you, yeah?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus smiled. “Yeah.” He followed him inside. Even as he climbed into bed a few minutes later, he couldn’t stop feeling Sirius’s fingers against his palm, the sound of Sirius’s rings </span>
  <em>
    <span>clack</span>
  </em>
  <span>ing together as he grabbed Remus’s hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that night, he fell asleep much easier. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry this is late, and not on schedule. Last weekend was too busy for me to post, but when I finished this chapter I knew I needed to post it right now!!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Sirius slumped onto Remus’s bed. His hair was in a very artful messy bun, and the eyeliner around his gray eyes was more perfectly applied and smudged than usual. To complete the look, he hadn’t changed out of his pajamas of a giant Black Sabbath t-shirt and purple boxer shorts patterned with bats.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>bored,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>he said dramatically, although Remus could have guessed that from the extra time on hair and makeup. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus had been reading on the bed, though his grip on </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Return of the King </span>
  </em>
  <span>was tenuous at best. He didn’t respond, and turned a page mildly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius scooted closer. “Moony, I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>bored.” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That sounds like a you problem,” Remus said. He knew he had only about three seconds before--</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius snatched the book from Remus’s hands. “Dear Moony, won’t you entertain me?” he asked, draping himself across Remus’s lap. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dear Padfoot, I could read to you if you gave me my book back.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius play-scowled at him and looked at the cover. “At least you’re on the last book. This is the best one.” He handed it back. “I accept your bargain.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He sat up and tucked himself into the spot at Remus’s side, looking over his shoulder. Remus could feel his heartbeat against his arm, and his soft exhale tickled Remus’s collarbone. He was very warm, and it felt nice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus began to read. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A few days later, Sirius’s boredom had apparently reached dire levels, because he came into Remus’s room and sat upon the bed with a dramatic flounce. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How the hell do I write a Tinder bio again?” he whined. </span>
</p>
<p><span>Remus turned a page in </span><em><span>The</span></em> <em><span>Silmarillion</span></em><span>. Then he blinked and looked up. </span></p>
<p>
  <span>“You do know we’re not allowed to go anywhere, right?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Zoom dating, my dear Moony,” Sirius said. “Or just Tinder chat. I really don’t care. But I am very hot and this lockdown is highkey a waste.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus rolled his eyes. “Just quote John Mulaney or something? I’m New in Town?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius’s face lit up. “That’s it!” He scurried out of the room. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus laughed a little and tried to return to </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Silmarillion. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But try as he might, his brain felt somehow . . . itchy. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was weird that Sirius was trying to find someone on Tinder in a pandemic, right? The idea of Zoom dating sounded horrid. How were you supposed to really identify chemistry with someone if you weren’t able to touch them, or see them in person? He felt he had more chemistry with Sirius than he would with any of his far hotter Zoom classmates, simply because Sirius would lean on his shoulder, or put his feet in his lap, or fall asleep beside him some days. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then again, Remus hadn’t had much experience with girls </span>
  <em>
    <span>or </span>
  </em>
  <span>boys, and he doubted that he should be the one to judge. He’d kissed one boy at camp back in high school, because they were both agonizing over how they’d never kissed </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone </span>
  </em>
  <span>and they were both queer and what if it never happened for them? Since then, Remus had done nothing with anyone else, other than figure out with Sirius one night that he probably didn’t want to date a girl. And that hadn’t even been anything physical, it had just been talking through that sort of thing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Besides, fear of the coronavirus seemed to permeate everything Remus did. But that didn’t mean it was the same for Sirius. All roads seemed to lead to the pandemic in Remus’s mind, so that was what he chalked his brain itch up to. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius wished Remus wouldn’t look so goddamn awkward. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were sitting on Sirius’s bed, like they did all the time, and he was trying to get him to set up a Tinder profile. Sirius had initially suggested Grindr, but Remus had blushed so hard he immediately dropped it. Tinder was safe. Maybe Remus would show up on his dashboard. (Not that he wanted to Zoom-date Remus. Or date Remus at all, for that matter.) </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t see why they need to know my birthday,” Remus grumbled, looking at his phone. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s so they can know your age, Moony. So then they can keep fourteen-year-olds off the app.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am </span>
  </em>
  <span>fourteen.” Remus begrudgingly typed in his birthday and continued on. “Padfoot, there are no good pictures of me. Do you think I’ll get a like if I put in this picture of me in the hospital?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Moony, what the hell.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m smiling in it.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius leaned over and snatched Remus’s phone. The hospital picture was still up on the screen, and Remus was right: he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>smiling, with a nasal cannula in his nose. It was actually a very lovely picture--un-self-conscious, sweet. But he tossed the phone back to Remus--he had a problem to solve. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Smile.” He took out his own phone and aimed the camera at Remus.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus laughed a little bit. “I hate you.” But he messed with his hair a little bit and obliged. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sirius made sure to snap as many photos as he could before Remus stopped humoring him, and sent a few to the group chat for good measure. </span>
  <em>
    <span>look at this handsome boy. coming soon to a tinder near you. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now you can’t say you don’t have any good pictures of yourself,” Sirius said. “Because you look good in those.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus looked at them and added a few to his Tinder bio. “Have to add them before I hate them.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you mean? They’re nice, I think,” Sirius said. I really don’t know why you’re so resistant to this whole Tinder thing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus shrugged. “I’m not, really. I mean, it’s the only good way to meet people right now. I just hate the idea of Zoom dating, I think. But maybe I’ll meet up with someone nice when we go back to school in the fall.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That’s the spirit, Moony, my dear,” Sirius said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>***</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lily texted Remus later that evening. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>So you’re on Tinder? </span>
  </em>
  <span>she asked. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Have you seen Sirius on there yet?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I haven’t really been on there. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I went on there today. His bio made me laugh. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus went into the Tinder app. It showed him a few random people as a tutorial, and then began to show him actual guys he knew from school. It almost put him off the app completely, until a familiar face appeared on his screen. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>sirius. 21.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then, his bio, in his Sirius-signature lowercase: </span>
  <em>
    <span>“just quote john mulaney or something? - remus lupin” </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Remus let out a laugh, and before he could swipe on Sirius, he closed the app. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>So you’re an archaeology major? That’s cool, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sirius’s Tinder match said. He was a muscular, dizzily good-looking college student named Caradoc, age twenty-two. (All of this, of course, assuming that he didn’t lie anywhere in his profile.) </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m poli-sci. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius was somewhat bored already. He’d been with a gym rat before, and there was nothing wrong with him, really. Just not Sirius’s type. Muscles were great, but if he was honest, he tended to fall hard for tall, skinny guys--ones that looked like they could be blown over by a strong gust of wind or perhaps dance and flail in place in front of a car dealership, covered in streamers. It was his cross to bear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But political science was cool. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>yeah. what year are you? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Please end my misery, Sirius thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His attention was snatched when he heard Remus next door, coughing as he did when he first woke up. He rolled out of bed and walked to the door. Maybe Moony could come up with something more fun to do than go through the talking stage with Poli-Sci Gym Man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Remus was still coughing. It was a tired, tired sound, and Sirius hesitantly knocked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come in,” Remus’s voice was quiet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius stepped inside. Moony was in bed, slumped on his side under the covers. The room was still dark, the shades drawn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Moony?” Sirius whispered, pointlessly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Padfoot?” Remus sat up. Sirius wondered if he had been expecting his parents. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” Sirius came and sat on the bed slowly, feeling tentative. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus coughed again. “Just tired.” Then he dropped his head into his hands. “God, I’m so tired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius knew that Remus’s CF didn’t help his sleep--nothing really helped Remus sleep, it was why he was called </span>
  <em>
    <span>Moony </span>
  </em>
  <span>in the first place. But this was different. “Should I get your mom?” He felt, irrationally, almost frightened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus shook his head. “I’ll be okay. Just a low-spoon day, I think.” He slumped back on his pillows. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius wasn’t sure how to respond. “Should I leave?” he said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus shook his head again. “Just come here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hesitantly, the way he would if Remus was a small animal he didn’t want to hurt or disturb, he crept closer. He crawled beneath the blankets beside him and cautiously leaned into his side. Remus was still sleep-warm and soft. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This okay?” he asked. There was a part of him that wanted to throw an arm around him, or at least around his shoulders, but he pushed it down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus nodded and leaned his head upon Sirius’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was silent for a few minutes, and Sirius almost thought Remus had fallen asleep. But then he spoke, his voice quiet and raspy. “This is nice.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I should probably get up soon.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius didn’t respond. And after a few minutes, Remus’s breathing evened out, and he fell asleep. Sirius could feel the moment he dropped off by the small twitches he made, feather-light against him. He didn’t dare to move. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He eyed the stack of books next to Remus’s bed. On top was </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Golden Compass, </span>
  </em>
  <span>by Philip Pullman. He’d never read it, but he’d seen Remus with it the last few days. If he just barely reached out, he could grab it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He only got a few pages in before Remus woke up again. “Pads?” he said blearily. “What are you doing?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius closed the book and waggled it at him. “Reading your book.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay. I can go back to sleep if you wanna keep reading.” He felt Remus stretch beside him, away from his shoulder, and there was the smallest chill where air rushed to fill the space between them. But then Remus slumped back down beside him, and the heat of his skin returned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then Remus yawned again. “Nope, not going back to sleep.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as Remus had awoken that morning, he knew it was going to be a bad day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t slept well the previous night, to begin with, and then there was the coughing. And the sore throat from the coughing. And the sore </span>
  <em>
    <span>everywhere. </span>
  </em>
  <span>From the coughing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d had days like this before, nothing to be worried about, really. No blood in his mouth. But it was days like these that made him remember everything--who he was, where he was going, how long he had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hated to dwell upon it, and he knew his parents hated it, too. But on a day like today . . . he felt as middle-aged as he technically, morbidly, was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So yeah. He told Sirius it was a low-spoon day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Instead of staying in bed, as he usually might, especially in the midst of quarantine, he was laying in Sirius’s. They were just doing what they did normally, hanging out in the spare room, Remus’s book on the nightstand, a record spinning on the turntable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you do if you have a day like this during the school year?” Sirius asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus shrugged with one shoulder. Led Zeppelin’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>Houses of the Holy </span>
  </em>
  <span>spun to a stop. “I have some more flexible attendance stuff. I go as much as I can, but worst case scenario, I have someone give me notes.” That was actually how he and James had met, in the first semester of the school year. They’d been in a class together. Remus had missed the first few days after fall break for a hospital visit, and when he came back, James quietly slid him his notebook full of meticulous notes from the days he’d missed. Remus wasn’t one for blind devotion, but he could almost see where Peter was coming from. “You’ve seen me on days like this. I’ll typically invite you and James over.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess,” Sirius mused. He walked over to the turntable and put on some John Denver, and the record began to spin, quiet as the day had been. Remus closed his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius sat upon the bed beside him again. Remus could almost feel that Sirius would ask a question in the stiffness of his posture, and he almost opened his eyes again when Sirius asked, “Do you own </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Three Musketeers?” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus cracked open one eye, tried to find Sirius with it, failed and closed it again. “Like the Mickey Mouse thing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no. Like the book. Alexander Dumas.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think so. You could check my bookshelf.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be right back.” Sirius vaulted off the bed, and Remus heard him rummage through the bookshelf next door. He came back victorious, with Remus’s secondhand copy in hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My dear Moony, I am going to read to you. Because this is one of my favorites, and you’re boring.” Sirius plopped beside him again, his words affectionate.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry my chronic illness isn’t interesting.” But the words had no rancor. “I think I read it back in high school. Is it okay if I fall asleep?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. Here we go.” He cracked open the book and began to read aloud. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus fluffed his pillows as he listened, and closed his eyes again. Behind his eyelids the sun through the window was a warm orange, and Sirius’s reading voice was quiet and even. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>A young man--we can sketch his portrait at a dash. Imagine to yourself a Don Quixote of eighteen; a Don Quixote without his corselet, without his coat of mail, without his cuisses; a Don Quixote clothed in a woolen doublet, the blue color of which had faded into a nameless shade . . .” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius hadn’t been reading long before Remus fell asleep. For a moment, he continued reading silently before scooting down beside him, thinking that perhaps he could sleep as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had been doing his best to take up space today, to be fun and to be easy to be around, because he knew that he couldn’t make Remus’s bad day go away, but he wanted so desperately to make him smile. To relax the pain out of him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So though he knew Remus was tired anyway, it felt like a win for Remus to fall asleep. At least he wasn’t so miserable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wished he could do this all the time. Read to him, listen to music with him, rest beside him like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At this thought, Sirius sat up with a start. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked down at Remus beside him. His hair a soft feathery mess, his eyelids twitching with a dream. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>He was close enough to him that he could see the freckles on his face, surrounding the pale white of his scars, dusted around his mouth. The scars were from an accident in middle school, the freckles from the sun. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wait. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a shout inside of Sirius, some truth he had not known. Some truth he had not faced. Something that could mean ruination, could mean endings. Could mean light. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He </span>
  <em>
    <span>would </span>
  </em>
  <span>not face it. He would not know it.</span>
</p><p>Instead, he turned over, away from Remus, and did his best to fall asleep. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Congratulations, Padfoot,” Remus said from the bed. “This might be the only date in your life that you don’t have to wear pants for.” He was sitting with his legs pretzel-style on the bed, sitting in as Sirius got ready. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius had chosen a black button-up shirt patterned with little stars--polished, but not too overdressed. He layered his usual necklaces over it and bedecked his hands in rings. It was a typically Sirius look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius stuck his tongue out at him. He was currently pulling on a pair of skinny jeans, wiggling his legs to get them on. “But I want to prove to Caradoc I am nothing if not a </span>
  <em>
    <span>gentleman, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Moony. Without my reputation what am I?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus had admittedly been a bit hesitant about Sirius’s Zoom date--Caradoc didn’t really seem like his type, from the pictures Sirius had shown him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Sirius had been acting strange lately. When he looked at him, it was only the flicker of his gray eyes, then quickly skidding away to look at the floor, or the wall next to Remus. Even just a moment ago, when he was sticking out his tongue, his eyes were only on Remus for the moment it took for the gesture to have meaning. Then he looked down at his legs again, shimmying into his jeans. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t just the looking--Sirius just simply wasn’t Sirius. He kept a hairsbreadth of space between them when they sat beside each other, and always knocked and waited for a response before coming into Remus’s room. Remus didn’t mind the privacy, necessarily, but it just </span>
  <em>
    <span>strange. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus didn’t know how to explain it--had he done something wrong? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe he was just tired of being around Remus all the time. They had been staying at home for quite a while now, with no school to distract them. That had to be it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet. Sometimes, Remus would turn around, and turn to Sirius, and Sirius would be looking at him. But then his eyes would flicker away, and Remus could almost believe that he made it up. Until a few days later, when he’d barely catch Sirius’s eyes on him again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus wished he had the guts to ask him what was going on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So how do I look?” Sirius asked, twisting around and staring into the mirror. “Tall? Dark? Handsome?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I wouldn’t say </span>
  <em>
    <span>tall . . .” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fuck off, Gumby.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But other than that, you look fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius walked over to the bed and sat upon it, keeping space between them as he always did now. He leaned back on his elbows and craned his neck to look at Remus. “The date’s in twenty minutes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you need me to leave?” Remus asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not yet.” Sirius ran a hand through his hair for the third time that minute. “It’s not like I have to like, drive or anything.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“True. Are you excited?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius snorted. “I guess. He seems nice enough, I think I’m just bored.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus wished he could have that kind of attitude. He almost wanted to ask what would happen when Sirius stopped being bored. But it was strange to think about Sirius actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>settling, </span>
  </em>
  <span>not doing the thing he always did--have some fun, bring someone along to a few of the group’s hangouts, but ultimately never expect anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Sirius and Remus’s phones lit up with a text from the groupchat from James. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey guys, my parents joined this thing where we do like. Groceries on wheels for high-risk families? Like we deliver groceries and stuff for old people and stuff like that. Not to be weird, but my mom asked me to get the word out. So if you like grocery shopping or you need groceries, here’s a link. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus looked at Sirius. “James found a cause,” he said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course he did.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus began to text back. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Lupin house will have to look into that after Sirius’s zoom date tonight. Because he has a zoom date tonight. In 15 minutes. Just so you all know. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate you,” Sirius said cheerily when he received the text. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peter sent a row of laughing-while-crying emojis. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I thought of doing that. Just so I can see what it’s like, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lily replied. </span>
  <em>
    <span>But hearing about it makes it sound funny as hell. Going to live vicariously through you now. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Zoom-kiss the poor bastard at the end of the night? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Marlene suggested. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>i am a gentleman first, marlene. before i do that i will zoom-walk him home, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sirius responded. </span>
  <em>
    <span>i’ll let you know how it goes, lils. always here to please. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“That being said, your Zoom date is in ten minutes,” Remus said. “That’s my cue. Have fun.” He got off the bed and went to walk out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the same time, Sirius went to go over to the mirror one last time, inadvertently blocking Remus’s path. Remus took a step to one side just as Sirius did, and then a step to the other side. Just as Sirius did. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were very close. Remus could smell the cologne that Sirius was using, even though Caradoc wouldn’t be able to. He was close enough that he could see the ruts that Sirius’s fingers had dug through his hair with all of his touching it. There was a part of Remus that wanted to correct them, make his hair fall more naturally. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius cracked a smile and reached out, putting his hands on Remus’s biceps gently to move him in the right direction. His hands were soft, and warm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, buddy,” he said, laughing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus turned around once more as he closed the door behind him. Just before he couldn’t see him anymore, he saw Sirius catch his eye in the mirror. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius turned away from the mirror and went to his computer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He wrung his hands, where he could feel Remus’s biceps against his fingertips. He hated, </span>
  <em>
    <span>hated </span>
  </em>
  <span>this, how he could try so hard, for days and days, not to touch him or to look at him, but then they were so close, and he touched him, and he looked at him, and dammit, he didn’t need to look at his hands, but he did, as if the dusting of freckles on Remus’s arms could have somehow rubbed off on him. Of course it hadn’t, Sirius was stupid, stupid, and he didn’t have time to panic now, before his dumb date. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He opened his laptop and logged in, following Caradoc’s directions to access his Zoom room and typing in the code. He was two minutes early. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After only a moment, Caradoc logged on as well, and for a long, horrid moment, they just stared at each other. But then, Caradoc jumped forward, bless him, and said, “Hi.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They talked for a while, stupid first-date questions. Caradoc was a very good small-talker, asking lots of questions and laughing where he should. But then the conversation turned to their friends. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you know James Potter?” Sirius asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tall, messy hair, looks like a fanart drawing of a nerd?” Caradoc asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s the one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah! Since he’s in public policy, we have some classes together.” Caradoc said urbanely. “Is he the one you’re staying with?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, actually, I’m staying with another one of my friends. Remus Lupin? He’s a history major?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never heard of him. It’s nice of him to let you stay, though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, for sure,” Sirius said, feeling himself sliding into uneasy territory. It was certainly against the rules to talk about friends you’re secretly in love with on the first date, right? “We’ve only been friends since we got to school, but he’s really cool.” He felt a hundred things about Remus Lupin, pressing at his throat. His sense of humor. The way he looked when he read. His freckles. The freckles on his nose. The freckles on his biceps. “You sure you don’t know him? He’s even taller than James, and has kinda curly hair. Like, history and political science have a lot of classes together I think.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What else does he look like?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s got a ton of freckles. And some scars on his face? He wants to be a teacher and he dresses like it already, with the sweaters and the khakis and stuff? But not like, business casual, like, old gay librarian vibes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caradoc laughed. “Not ringing any bells. He sounds great, though.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He really is.” Sirius couldn’t help the smile on his face. Stupid, stupid, stupid. He changed the subject quickly. “But what about you, do you think I know any of your friends?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The conversation went on smoothly, and Sirius didn’t bring up Remus again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When both they and their stories were exhausted, Caradoc said, “This has been fun.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, for sure. I’ll message you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Another moment of silence, like at the beginning, and Caradoc said, “So I’ll see you later?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Sirius ended the call. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then he sat at his desk, took a deep breath. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That could have been worse. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>After he was done washing his makeup off in the bathroom, he opened the bathroom door to find Remus sitting at his desk, reading. “Date over?” he guessed at the sight of Sirius. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.” Sirius walked in and sat on the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How was it?” Remus set his book aside. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At this, Sirius began to launch into a dramatic, thorough description of the date. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It was hell not having, like, body language cues, there were moments when we were both dead silent and I wanted to just die. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Remus laughed, and for a moment, Sirius almost thought of not messaging Caradoc again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then: </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s nice of him to let you stay, though. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Remus was his friend. One of his very best friends, who was hosting him for who knows how long in one of the scariest times of his life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“At least you got it over with,” Remus said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly,” Sirius said. But the laughter was gone. He needed out, because he knew if he stayed much longer, he might not message Caradoc again. Which would be very, very stupid. “You know, I’m going to go to bed.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus shot a glance at the clock--late enough for bed, but too early for either him or Sirius. “Okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just tired.” Sirius lied easily. “See you in the morning.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See you in the morning,” Remus said uneasily. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius returned to his room. He took a record from the crate and set it on the turntable, turning the sound down low. Then he hit play. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was going to be a very long night. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Seriously thinking of making a playlist of sad songs on the records that Sirius has honestly. I have a lot of opinions on what record he could be listening to right now, but I'm not quite sure. What do y'all think?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>CONTENT WARNING: there's heavy use of scissors in this chapter, but only for cutting hair!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Remus pushed his hair out of his face and turned the page of his book. He continued to read.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few moments later, he pushed his hair out of his face </span>
  <em>
    <span>again. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It flopped back to its original position stubbornly, the fringe just barely brushing Remus’s eyelashes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had had enough. He set down his book and made his way to Sirius’s room. Sirius would know what to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius was awoken from a quite pleasant nap by Remus storming into his room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sirius, I swear to God, if--” Remus faltered when he saw Sirius, just awoken. “Oh, were you sleeping? Sorry.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>was </span>
  </em>
  <span>sleeping,” Sirius said blearily. “But what’s up?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was just going to say,” Remus said, sitting down on the bed, “that if you don’t give me pointers on how to keep my hair out of my goddamn face, it’s coming off. My parents have clippers. A buzzcut would be cooler for this time of year, anyway, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Moony, </span>
  <em>
    <span>what?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus scowled. “My hair is driving me crazy. I know I can’t get a haircut, but I can’t do this anymore.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ask your mom to cut your hair.” Sirius decided he’d try to go back to sleep. He rolled over in bed, away from Remus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My mom doesn’t cut my hair,” Remus said steadfastly. “She did once for school pictures. We learned from that experience.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius rolled toward Remus again, intrigued. “What year?” he ventured. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not seeing the pictures.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Damn, okay.” Sirius mulled an idea over in his head. “I could do it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus looked at him doubtfully. “Should I trust you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m offended,” Sirius said. “I’ve cut my own hair for years. It’s long but I’m still pretty good at it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus ran a hand through his offending hair. Then he looked at Sirius, and his eyes softened. “Fine.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius dragged a stool up from the kitchen and set it in front of the bathroom mirror, patting it expectantly. “Sit.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were both in old t-shirts--Sirius in one borrowed from Lyall, Remus in one stolen from Peter. Spread out on the counter were the Lupins’ old set of clippers and the scissors Sirius used on his own hair. (“This isn’t a Katy Perry music video,” Sirius had said. “Scissors matter.”) </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus hopped onto the stool and faced the mirror. “You know what my hair usually looks like, right?” he said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius smiled and ruffled a hand in Remus’s hair, meeting his eyes in the reflection in the mirror. “Totally.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He handed Remus a towel to wrap around his shoulders and picked up the scissors. And then, softly, his hands in Remus’s hair, he began to trim. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a lot of hair, you know that, right?” Sirius said. He carefully snipped away at a curl behind Remus’s ear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’d been trying to save the front for last, where he’d undoubtedly have to stand in front of Remus as he cut the fringe above his eyebrows. He was trying not to think about how close they would be, and failing miserably. His heart was beginning to race at the thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what my mom always says,” Remus replied. “After she met you, she tried to convince me to grow out my hair like yours. So she could braid it, and stuff like that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius laughed. “Why didn’t you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going crazy enough with it just barely in my eyes. Not to mention, it’s so thick that it takes forever to grow.” Remus’s voice was in the fuzzy monotone of someone trying to stay perfectly still while being touched. They were close enough together that Sirius could feel the warmth of Remus’s back against his torso. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fair. You don’t listen to enough 70’s rock for it to really make sense, anyway.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you playing the long game? Stealing my dad’s record player so you can force me to listen to records so you can get my hair long?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If that was the plan, it’d be fairly stupid of me to do what I’m doing now.” Sirius clipped another strand for emphasis. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he was running out of hair in the back. He carefully checked his work and said, “Ready for the front?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus nodded, and he turned around on the stool for easier access in the narrow bathroom. Sirius took a step closer, so that he was standing between Remus’s knees. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You might want to close your eyes for this part,” Sirius said softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, you can open now,” Remus heard Sirius say. He complied, the bathroom light bright in his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius was cleaning up the top of his hair, above his forehead. His eyes were on his work, and Remus had a full view of his face. It wasn’t typical that Remus had to look up at Sirius, and this close, Remus could see the underside of his jaw--a spot right in the shadow that he had missed while shaving that morning, two freckles on the side of his neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And . . .” Sirius snipped once more with the scissors, “I think I’m done.” He set the scissors down on the lip of the bathtub behind him, and put his hands on either side of Remus’s face, turning his head from side to side in inspection. His fingertips were gentle and warm, even on the numb spot on Remus’s jaw where one of his scars ran down. His gray eyes were caring and slow, looking over all of Remus’s face. His mouth was slightly open, and Remus could feel his breath, soft on his nose. He realized his own lips were parted, slightly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I did okay. Let me know what you think.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus turned around to the mirror. He looked . . . like him. And his hair wasn’t in his eyes, which was always a plus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you did okay, too. Thanks.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius caught the eye of his reflection in the mirror and cleared his throat. “No problem.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After cleaning up--which Remus took most of the brunt of, since Sirius barely knew where the broom was, which was fair--Remus went to his room to do some of his CF exercises before dinner. He put on his Vest and went to read his book, but he couldn’t focus. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He kept thinking of the look in Sirius’s eyes as he had held his face. That careful, slow look. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had looked at him like that--if anyone had </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever </span>
  </em>
  <span>looked at him like that. Why would he handle Remus’s face so gently, and then barely touch him or even look at him the rest of the time? If Remus had done something wrong, why agree to cut his hair in the first place? It made no sense. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the dinner table, his mother told him his hair looked very nice. Sirius took credit for it quickly, but didn’t say more. (Not that Remus knew what he should have said--it was a haircut, that’s all.) </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could still feel Sirius’s fingertips against his jaw as he went to sleep that night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But maybe he was imagining things. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Anyway, this chapter made me yearn desperately!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Sirius, if you had to pick one movie to show us, which would it be?” Hope asked one morning. “We were thinking of having a movie night one of these days.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were at the kitchen table, putting together a puzzle. Sirius snapped two pieces together as he thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve seen </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mamma Mia, </span>
  </em>
  <span>right?” he responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looked at Hope, who was now smiling widely at him. She had Remus’s smile, bright and sweet, lighting up her green eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re a genius, Sirius,” she said. “You’ll sing along, right?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That night at dinner, served in the living room on account of the puzzle, Hope said, “I’ve been thinking we should do a movie night, Lyall. The theme is musicals, because Sirius was thinking about </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mamma Mia.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That sounds like a wonderful idea,” Lyall said. “My contribution will be </span>
  <em>
    <span>Across the Universe.” </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus caught Sirius’s eye and rolled his eyes with a smile. He could always count on Lyall Lupin to pick the most White Dad movie. (Which wasn’t against </span>
  <em>
    <span>Across the Universe, </span>
  </em>
  <span>just an observation.) “I would expect nothing else,” he said. “Let’s do the second </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mamma Mia </span>
  </em>
  <span>movie, too.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And then how about </span>
  <em>
    <span>Chicago?” </span>
  </em>
  <span>Hope suggested. “So this Saturday. Movie marathon. Make sure you’re at home.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus couldn’t help but laugh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After dinner, they were sitting in Sirius’s room, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band </span>
  </em>
  <span>spinning on the record player in preparation for Saturday. Remus was playing a game on his phone, and Sirius was swiping through TikTok, the volume low. Both of them received a text from the group chat at the same time. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Anyone doing anything this Saturday? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Lily asked. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Was thinking of doing a Netflix party or something.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>That would be fun! </span>
  </em>
  <span>James said. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t have plans. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius responded before Remus. </span>
  <em>
    <span>i have plans already. with people far cooler than you lot.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus snorted. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Liar. he’s hanging out with my parents. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>How dare you sully the name of Hope Lupin in this manner! </span>
  </em>
  <span>James replied. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m friends with her on Facebook, and she’s a fucking delight. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Im free btw, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Peter cut in. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>same, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Marlene said. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>For your speaking against Hope Lupin we are all going to have a lovely time WITHOUT YOU, REMUS LUPIN, </span>
  </em>
  <span>James said. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>y’all are just jealous i’ll be hanging out w hope lupin and not u. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Sirius ended the subject succinctly and returned to TikTok. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I knew you were just here to see my mom,” Remus said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Moony, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Sirius set his phone down and turned to face him on the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were closer than they had been ever since the haircut like this--the both of them had space between them laying on the bed, but by rolling over toward him, Sirius had cut the gap in half. Remus was very careful to only turn his head to face Sirius. He still felt guarded, careful not to spook him as he still feared he had before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Sirius’s gray eyes were soft and warm as they looked at him. So he turned the rest of his body in Sirius’s direction, slowly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My mom’s going to be so happy you chose the theme for the movie marathon, you know,” he said quietly. Movie days had always been a big deal in the Lupin household--his father would look up trivia as they watched, his mom would make popcorn. As he’d told Sirius, there would be some sort of theme. He often wondered if part of the purpose of movie days was to clear the house of snacks and junk food--like the Carnivale before some invisible Lent. If so, it typically worked, and after a movie day, the cupboards would be bereft of any good snacks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s really not a big deal,” Sirius said. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Mamma Mia </span>
  </em>
  <span>was the only movie that would come to me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It could have been a worse pick. Once, my dad picked </span>
  <em>
    <span>Plan 9 From Outer Space.” </span>
  </em>
  <span>All jokes aside about Lyall Lupin’s dad-taste in movies, it had been truly horrible. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have no idea what that is.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good. Just stay away from Ed Wood Junior’s work.” Remus wasn’t sure whether he meant in general, or whether he was somewhat planning for future movie days with Sirius. But he stopped himself--this virus would get better, somehow, and Sirius would probably go home to New York, or maybe to the Potters’. He had no reason to assume that Sirius would stay for any length of time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But if Sirius had thought as deeply as he had, he didn’t say anything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span> ***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Saturday morning dawned rife with rain clouds like scudding dish bubbles above their dishwater air. It certainly felt like that outside--Sirius had stepped outside for only a moment before exclaiming that it was far too humid to go out. Remus, always wary of humidity with his CF, was only too happy to comply. (Humidity seemed to agitate the infections of some with CF, Remus not being one of them. However, he didn’t like humidity, no matter how his lungs fared.) </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hope had declared that the movie day would start at three in the afternoon, so when the time came, the four of them came to sit in the living room in front of the television. Remus carried a large bowl of popcorn, and Lyall closed the front curtains. The only light came from the TV as </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mamma Mia! </span>
  </em>
  <span>began. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the movie played on, Sirius and Remus settled in on the couch together. They sat at opposite ends, with Sirius’s feet propped on the coffee table and Remus leaning on the arm. He took up most of the space on the couch, but Sirius hadn’t said anything, so he assumed he didn’t mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>At the end of </span>
  <em>
    <span>Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again, </span>
  </em>
  <span>Remus asked, “So which do you think is better?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Between the two?” Sirius said, taking a fistful of popcorn. “Don’t make me choose.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s really just a matter of choosing between ‘Lay All Your Love on Me’ and ‘Why Did It Have to Be Me’ for me,” Remus said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“With the flippers?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And the choreography.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But the way they shoehorn ‘Fernando’ in the second one is so ridiculous, you have to admit.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that a good or bad thing?” Remus asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the evening went on, they each resituated over and over--Remus spread a blanket over his lap, and Sirius scooted closer to share; a refill on the popcorn brought Remus over to Sirius’s side of the couch to get his fair share. It was soon dark outside, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>Across the Universe </span>
  </em>
  <span>began. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They didn’t get very far into </span>
  <em>
    <span>Across the Universe </span>
  </em>
  <span>before Remus fell asleep next to Sirius. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He began just resting his head against Sirius’s shoulder. Sirius was very careful not to move, lest he disturb him, but before long, his head slumped down so that it rested on Sirius’s chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius might as well have been asleep as well, for all he was paying attention to the movie. He could smell Remus’s hair, both the shampoo and the salt smell of him underneath. He could feel someone’s heartbeat--it could have been Remus’s, for the pulse point on his neck was pressed to Sirius’s chest, but he assumed it was his own, as it was racing. In contrast, Remus’s breathing was steady and slow, and he twitched against him, gently, as he slept. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Sirius kept his eyes fixed on the screen, not willing to look at Hope or Lyall. It would have been too much if either of them looked back at him, watching him be desperately in love with their sleeping son. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But even as the movie played on, all Sirius was conscious of was Remus against him, the hard line of his rib against Sirius’s hip, his soft breath through Sirius’s thin old t-shirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As the movie finally ended, Hope and Lyall slowly rose from their chairs, and Hope stretched grandly. Remus twitched a little beside Sirius, enough that Sirius almost thought he was awake, but then his breathing picked up its steadiness once again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Lyall softly said, “He always falls asleep during movies. You gonna be okay to get upstairs if I turn out the lights?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sirius nodded quickly, and Lyall turned off the television, plunging them into darkness. The only light came from the diffuser in the corner, glowing a soft white. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight, Sirius,” Hope said, and she and her husband padded up the stairs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Left alone on the couch, Sirius was at a loss. Slowly, carefully, he reached up a trembling hand and touched Remus’s thick, brown hair, winding the curls around his fingers as he had longed to do. He let his thumb stroke along Remus’s jawbone, hard and warm, all that Sirius was aware of in the dark. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He didn’t know how he would ever sleep again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>***</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Remus didn’t think Sirius knew he had been awake since his father turned off the movie. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry this is late - I've been moving home from school! However, now I am back and ready to write some delicious yearning. &gt;:)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm on Tumblr at @ghost-of-shakespeare!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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